Tis little person want to be talked ......idle me !!!

Ter is this li'l person in me who is wanting and waiting to be communicated to and to be heard...n my secret place, I long to be there all day and night. The person called Holy Spirit who is the only..yes ONLY reason why my life is meaningful right now. I have a full family, so many people around me but still feel lonely because that one person doesnt seen to have much time these days.

B called me up .... parathy theerkkal??????? I've become from a working mom to a complaint box ..hahaa....down side of umemployment, n a bad example of a christian...I mean he doesn't want me to complain. The silly me .

If there is one relationship that you can always be not tired of or to be loved unconditionally it is in HIM. I feel in relationships on earth, we keep redefining happiness at different stages, that's why you find it hard .

I would want B to make me happy by just being there, now, while 6 years back I would expect him to take me out for a cup of ice cream...or on a dinner :)

We don't see how we change over years, we redefine things, our priorities change. Now, I can't think of a lazy evening leaving kids to do their home work or having exams, so yea, we redefine..... But, I understand now that if spouses take the time to do communicate of realize what has changed, then they can do something to add strength to their relationship, it will truly be recognized.

I've gone far extended myself to ignore myself and waited to talk ...but B is a lot busier now that few years back, he may not get ur signals right now..coz he has to read, talk and counsel, and even manage his sheep..so yea if I wait for my signals to be understood, feelings to be reciprocated, it may not happen always.

That makes me feel I'm still selfish, n not selfless, even after being born-again still carry around that attitude which is bad. Here is the selfish me ranting about my present worry haha :) no one neglects no one but U GET THE IDEA THAT you've become a part of the person that he is unknowingly ignoring...

My typical day when B is around
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B gets up early like by 5...I get up @ 5 coz baby cries, goes back to sleep, Again get up by 7 to dress up aibz.B takes a shower, has his breakfast, it is cereal, doesnt matter if he gets it or i get it some days(rare) i get to pack him a piece of bread roll..B leaves to work by 7.SO we havent technically talked....Then comes my turn to yell at abel, get h dress, pack is meal, n try to make sure that baby is sleeping till he leaves. Then my day would be a drag, baby crying, me trying to read/pray, be on computer, feed, change diapers, tend to crying baby,then have breakfast n in a way idle away time making sure that my baby doesnt cry.

At 12, B comes to have lunch....
He comes has his lunch, I stay home full time n the only social person I see is B so yea...I see the stay home mom's view a lot better now :) we want to communicate:)

Then again my day drags n pulls, hue n cry to give a shower to abel, make sure he doesnt hurt the baby. It is all fine, n then u wait till it to be 4 ...B gets ome by 5:30 ish...

N I still have not had an uninterrupted sleep..... No lunch naps for me, there are days when I have to finish my lunch by, myself.

At 5:30 B comes has his tea..looks eagerly on to that great television, n then 30 mins goes by for news. Then by 6 pm, time for a bath, n 6:30 time to get dressed, 7 pm hav dinner together..oh atlast some time together :) Was working life was more colorful or it was so crazy that I never searched for time huh? Women should work, so that men will have some peace of mind@!@

Again back to my world.....put off kids to sleep, n me feeling so dull n lifeless inspite of family, beautiful home, a nice villa....but in a few months I can join B where he goes :) so yea holding on for few more months . I try not to sleep when B gets home, it might be 11ish...or late.N we have a session of prayer, n then off to sleep......