the end of a new beginning

Was it that what David Phelps'/..... song said? Liked it..!! I have come to terms with the fact that having a kid under 3 makes you one of those people in church who cannot focus on the sermon. It used to make me feel so dull and without life. But, I have learnt one thing over the course of the last 3 years (yes had 2 babies within this 3 year gap!!) Sometimes, the little you hear is enough to carry you through that week. Sometimes, thats all you need for that week to keep going. !!

I'm continuously baffled at the prospect, that
everytime, I feel discouraged
Everytimg, I'm made to feel low
Everytime, others make me feel insecure
Everytime, people pull me down..
There is always a song that comes on my lips..

it is always so assuraing to keep me going on..and I love it...

Its only been a few weeks, but I love the feel of God's presence in my life.

About 3 weeks ago while sitting in a pew, when the worship was going on, I heard a voice asking me, what do you want to do for me...I said shoulder your ministry. You know it brings me shivers to think of what reply I got. I heard someone telling me, no ...you cant shoulder you need to pillar !!!

He said, shouldering is CHRIST'S BODY(well we have many who can carry me!!) that means one can keep me at a shoulder level, carry me as a burden, he said having burden for me is good..thats a step..but after you have shouldered me, move on...my body is the church, I need people to BE PILLARS of the church WHO CAN BUILD IT, he said quit Shouldering and learn to build it....

I could not help but cry...I said, what do I have in me, to take it to build, I mumbled, it brought me goosebumps, it seemed big enough, I said, I do not even have a one on one with you as much as people in this room. I'm the least of all these people around me..and above all, most of the times, you stir me but I can never keep moving on with the same consistency, but God said...'Let's take a walk together!' It was clear to me that all what i had to go through was to make myself humbled, before god n man, he cannot use self boasting, prideful horses...he needs broken necked donkeys...(oh when i read about the redemption of donkeys in the bible, with a broken neck, it did stir me again...oh father.!!)HE has loved me unconditionallly I agree, but PRESERVED me to PILLAR? He said...it takes long to be pillar, and it takes a lot of pain, a lot of presssure, dont get yourself weary when people say you cant take pressure....god said..'those words are hurting but thats what it feels to be pressureised !!! " God told me ...you will have to be dug out, all thats you need to go, the new foundation have come it and it takes time to make it strong inside, coz you need to hold the CORNERSTONE, none other than me... and its not an easy ride, people push you, rush you, but in the end you will have a deep assurance of your call..BE BLESSED!!

I wish I could get similar encounters, but that day I'm sure I did not get distracted with kids...we did not take them...

Now I understand what the Psalmist says 'oh how I long to be in your presence.'