Long lost confidante!

Been three long years since I had the time to look back to my web-confidante. Not that I forgot, or that I had too much on my hands, but decided not to keep a log on the web!

In three years, my days were filled with all kinds of emotions from fear to joy of being a mother, a wife, a sister and a daughter. Several milestones achieved by one and all at home. There were days where I sobbed to myself, with an over weighing feeling when we decided to move shores and having to leave behind a ministry and people. From a career perspective it was to a promising, greener and challenging shore that we gave in papers. But, God wasn't finished with us here, when no one cares for the leavers, God decided to work in the hearts of a few superiors! God sure did a miracle at a higher level that led to withdrawing papers from our side! Trust me, we nearly had it pretty laid out in terms of plans for the 3 months ahead...Almost every single thursday at the end of the church meetings, I couldn't stop my tears from flowing, all I prayed was Dear Lord, if we leave now, it would look your work is still not begun, such an abrupt move. But through it I learnt one thing, a big principle not to be tied down to anything material or spiritual, if God asks you to move, regardless of what we "feel' we gotta move. If it is for Him to move HE will surely have His way to turn things around....

Had my youngest child leaving to school, the days when I thought they'd cry for me are no more. They have all groomed in to kids who love to manage emotions and feelings...I surely miss those days when they depend on me. I'd love to see how their thoughts develop and the sentences that come out of them. It is my youngest who will turn 4 in few months, that make me realize that I am not going to get back these years.. The silly talks, the arguments, the nonsensical fights may not fill my rooms for longer. I have mastered the art to be loud, that a passer by wouldn't miss to hear me calling out my kids...

I completed a Master's Degree, started the course during my post-natal days with my youngest and sure it did a lot to combat post-natal depression. With my second child, when we moved to Oman, had unrealistic expectations and hopes of advancing my career, which wasn't fruitful. There were times when I felt lost, and asked myself "why me?". To me I was a broken reed, that was already crushed, I asked God why crush me when I'm broken ....  There were several outbreaks that I surpassed from others, but must say my biggest pillar through it all was the messages and sermons I heard. There were times when no one could get what I was going through!!! It was truly a phase! My pillar of support who kept encouraging me was B, there were nights we ended up at Baskin Robbins ice-cream and a long walk at the beach after 11pm.... Although he couldn't understand me, he tried to talk me out of it..

I wished I had a spiritual mentor, a Woman of faith whom I could trust and share myself with. One thing I realised in the long run is, Pastor's wife has no best friends !!! It is bittersweet but truth is, GOD requires our undivided attention, and I am ok with it!

Had several moments of celebration, reasons to share joy of family, relations, new additions to the household, new co-sisters, new nephews and nieces ......

There were moments of dejection, despair and feeling of being downcast when a loved one was sick or in pain. There were nights I felt helpless and of no use to a loved one on the other side of the sea who was unwell. If thoughts and concerns about a loved one was enough to ease their pain it would have !!! There was a specific incident where I realised how much value relations hold in our minds. It might be hard to explain to another person what "family relations'...