In the Season of Becoming

If my heart isn’t right, the very anointing I prayed for will expose me.
Because real strength isn’t found in how loud I am in church but how steady I remain when I’m tested.
When God begins to entrust me with something, there will be challenges.
Not because I’m weak, but because what I carry matters.

If I’m truly walking with God, He will deal with me.
He will humble me....He will refine me.
He will teach me to stay silent when I want to defend myself.
He will teach me to remain kind when it is messy.
He will teach me to stay pure when I’m misunderstood.

God has been showing me my own weaknesses not to shame me, but to help me grow and become better.
So to those who see me only in my becoming, and are quick to judge what they don’t yet understand, I ask for grace ....I am in a season of learning and refinement.

Yes, I want everything God has for me  but I want the character to match the calling.
Because I never want to be someone who can carry oil but cannot carry themselves.

Lord, make me solid, anchor my heart.
Make me humble, refine my posture.
Make me steady, steady my steps.
Make me safe to use, make me fit for Your use.

Because without Your wisdom, I am not enough.

Getting back Candi Fernandes & School talk

 It was great to reconnect with Candi after many years, she brought back a me from 2019 that wanted to see beyond that time...But yet in the circle of life..I arrived back at the same point of start. A quick 20 mins or less than that is all what we took but felt really good. 

I stayed back home today for two reasons. One was an appointment to meet Mr R, who teaches AS Level Chemistry, at the school reception. I walked in carrying a million thoughts a whole narrative I had been rehearsing in my head. Things I wanted to demand, explain, clarify and even question. Questions layered with concern, hope, an, all competing for space before I even spoke.....

As I spoke, I touched on what I expect a teacher to inspire not just academic performance, but more. Not every student receives criticism in the same way; some absorb it as motivation, while others quietly withdraw. Today’s children are carrying pressures we never fully had ...to name constant comparison, social media noise, the fear of not measuring up. I said that while I want my child to do well in Chemistry, I do not want that success to come at the cost of her self-belief.

What I was really asking for was partnership. A shared awareness. A willingness to see progress not only in grades, but in how a student shows up willing to try, willing to ask, willing to not meet expectation and try again. I realised, as the words left me, that I wasn’t there to accuse or demand. I was there to advocate. I wanted to make touch base on the fact that sometimes a teacher's guidance can become discouragement if not worded the right way.

I wonder how much of it was clear in my words...Whether my words landed as intention, or dissolved into something else. Conversations like that are never just about what is said, but about what the other person is able or willing to hear. I tried to balance respect with honesty, concern with trust. Still, clarity is fragile when it meets habit..perhaps he heard a parent asking for leniency...perhaps he heard worry without the context of love behind it. Or perhaps he understood more than he showed, storing it away quietly, to surface later in small changes rather than immediate reassurance. I walked away without certainty, and that in itself is uncomfortable. But maybe this part of the process is about release ..saying what needed to be said, and allowing the rest to unfold without control. Trusting that God who is the Maker of all things is still in control and He cares much more about that child he created, perhaps much more than what a parent like me can fathom!!

Some conversations are not meant to conclude.

They are meant to begin something unseen.

And I have to trust that I did my part...God to take it forward !! 

Pondering....wondering..learning

Why do we accept this burden, the quiet agreement, to carry another soul’s unrest as if it were our sin?

God is not silent here. He is precise.
He says:“You are not the origin of what was already broken.”

And we tender, thoughtful mistake empathy for responsibility.
We apologise for existing clearly.
We soften truth until it barely resembles itself.
But God is teaching me....

Not distance born of bitterness, but boundaries born of wisdom.
The kind Jesus practiced when He walked away from those determined to misunderstand Him.

This lesson is about authority.

Who gets to name your intentions?
Who gets to define your heart?
Who sits on the throne of your self understanding?

Because when we hand that power to fear, peace becomes conditional and love becomes exhausting.
God is returning that power to us.
He is teaching you that clarity will unsettle insecure hearts and that is not your failure.
That being misunderstood is sometimes the cost of being aligned.

So lay down the weight.
The guilt that never belonged to you.
The blame that grew in soil that was never yours.
The urge to fix what only truth can heal.

Stand rooted. Let God defend what you no longer explain.

You are not harsh.
You are not wrong.
You are not the cause.

You are learning where responsibility ends and surrender begins.
And that, that is growth wrapped in grace. 

Reflection

Sometimes, without realising it, we fall into the trap of overthinking and overanalysing. Today, God gently reminds us:

When it feels like your words fall on quiet ground…
When stepping back seems easier than pressing on…
When your faithfulness feels small and slow to bear fruit…

Remember, our first calling is to love God with all that we are, and to love others as He has loved us.Everywhere we go, we scatter seeds of His truth, trusting God to bring the growth in His perfect time.You may not see the harvest your obedience has begun, but He is always at work.

So keep speaking of His goodness.
Keep telling of His unfailing love.
Nothing offered to Him is ever wasted. 

Self Study - Bible Notes - Job 1

Job, a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job. 

Was he descendenct

The land of Uz was in the near the land of the Sabeans (see in verse 15-17 they attacked) and the Chaldeans, somewhere in the Fertile Crescent between Tigris and Euphrates rivers

https://content-api.thebiblesays.com/content/501967/permalink

His touch

Holding On When Life Feels Loud

The past few months have been a mixture of noise and stillness, conversations, waiting, prayers whispered under my breath, and moments where I had no words at all. Life didn’t slow down even though my heart needed it to. And yet, somewhere in the middle of it all, God meets me quietly, faithfully to reassure me of His love, His plan and His purpose.

Health has been one of the louder parts of this season. Scans, reports, differing opinions, unfamiliar medical terms, and that unsettling feeling. I’ve learnt that uncertainty doesn’t just live in the mind it sits in the body too. It shows up as anxiety, raised blood pressure, restless nights, and all those What ifs?

There were moments I felt shaken not because I had lost faith, but because faith sometimes means standing still when you desperately want answers. I realised that trusting God doesn’t always look like confidence; sometimes it looks like turning up anyway, praying anyway, and choosing not to spiral even when the facts feel heavy.

Work has continued in the background responsibilities don’t pause for personal storms. There’s something humbling about showing up professionally while privately carrying questions and concerns. Yet, even there, I’ve seen grace. Strength I didn’t know I had. Clarity when I asked for it. And reminders that I am not defined by productivity, but by obedience.

Church have been both a refuge and a responsibility. Sitting through and preparing junior church assemblies, thinking about children’s faith, joy, and honesty all while God was gently teaching me the same lessons. I’ve been reminded that faith doesn’t have to be loud to be powerful. Children understand this better than we do they trust simply, they offer what they have, and they believe God sees them even when their names aren’t mentioned.

That truth has stayed with me.

Not every story in the Bible names its heroes, but God never forgets them.

And in the same way, not every season of our lives will be visible or celebrated but it is always seen by Him.

There were days I wanted certainty. A clear answer. A timeline. A guarantee. Instead, God offered presence. A calm nudge to take the next right step. Scripture that didn’t shout solutions but whispered reassurance. People who prayed without needing explanations. Moments of peace that didn’t make sense except that they came from Him.

I’m learning that faith is not about having everything figured out. 

It’s about choosing to trust when you don’t. 

It’s about surrendering control daily, sometimes hourly.

It’s about saying, “Lord, You know and that is enough for today.”

This season has stripped away the illusion of control and replaced it with something deeper: dependence. And strangely, there is freedom in that. Freedom in knowing I don’t have to carry everything. Freedom in allowing God to work in His time, not mine. I don’t know exactly how tbut I do know God has been faithful before, and He will be faithful again. Not always in the way I expect, but always in the way I need.

God is close to the broken-hearted, attentive to the quiet prayers, and present in the in-between.

For now, I choose to rest here. Trusting. Breathing. Believing.

One step at a time.

“Those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.” (Isaiah 40:31)

NEW Year ..New Beginnings

 Thankful to God for the opportunity... 

A lot on my mind...but one thing I know...

I'm held by a GOD who sees
I'm remembered by a God who lovees
I'm His child..not matter what 
I'm belong to a King..